Let the Children Lead

One of my children’s great frustrations with both school and church is how often adults claim that young people’s voices and agency matter, while the opportunities they offer are little more than token gestures. 

Recently, my son was asked to join a panel of pupils who would ‘interview’ prospective headteacher candidates. He took this seriously, spending his weekend crafting a thoughtful question that would help reveal whether applicants could lead the school well in its Church of England foundation since this was something he and his peers cared about deeply. 

Yet when the moment came, pupils were merely instructed to read a prescribed question from a list written by governors, observed by the adult interview panel. He was furious, not least because his carefully prepared question would have been far more insightful than what he was given, something he pointed out with great enthusiasm at home afterwards.

The church context can mirror the same dynamic. I was once asked a challenging question: ‘Who gave you leadership as a young person?’ As a teenager, I had been entrusted with the church credit card to organise an outreach event, accompanied only by a quietly supportive adult mentor. It was profoundly formational. 

The follow-up question struck even more deeply: ‘Which children and young people are you releasing?’ I realised that my youth work had become adult-designed, adult-controlled, and adult-led. The young people had very little genuine agency.

In response, ‘Pudding and Pondering’ began: a fortnightly gathering where the young people brought both the pudding (delighting in the responsibility) and their big questions. We simply sat and talked. The young people answered one another’s questions, wrestled together, and grew curious about what Scripture might say into their conversations. The group expanded, and discipleship deepened, teaching me that young people flourish when given real, not supervised, agency.

Jesus offers a similar model of spiritual formation. He walked with his disciples, using meals, roadside encounters, and life’s messiness as opportunities for learning. He sent them out in pairs to practise his way of life. He often left them to puzzle through challenges: the hungry crowd, the storm at sea, creating experiences that led them to deeper understanding. Jesus trusted his followers with responsibility long before they fully understood him.

In one school, this principle was embodied when a self-selecting group of Year 6 pupils were given genuine agency to design and lead prayer stations ahead of their Leavers’ Service. Families were invited to arrive early and participate alongside their children, creating a rare moment of shared spiritual engagement across the whole community, engaging those of all faiths, and none. 

The Headteacher observed that participation was far deeper than at adult-led prayer events. Led by pupils, there were moments of tears, laughter, and honest prayer. The Rector noted that the openness fostered much deeper engagement with the church service that followed.

The children’s leadership did not diminish anything. Instead, it softened the adults around them. When children lead, adults pay attention. When children pray, families listen. When children ask big questions, schools and churches become braver and engage more deeply.

Agency is not just about participation; it is about access. Children need access to the wider Christian community, to diverse and rooted practices, to a biblical narrative that makes sense as a coherent story, and to communities that can hold them steady through transitions.

This is where intentional collaboration between schools, churches, and households becomes essential. None of these spaces can nurture spiritual growth alone; children’s agency is strongest when these spheres overlap. Such collaboration requires humility, the willingness to relinquish control, and trust that God is at work beyond our expectations.